Writing your vows
Did you know that it's the marriage vows that actually marry you? All the rest of the ceremony is optional. In fact, you could stand in front of your two witnesses and me and simply say, "I (full name) take you (full name) to be my husband/wife/partner" and you'd be married! Sign the papers and off you go. That's the legal minimum.
Fortunately, people want more than that, whether it's a Registry wedding, elopement or full personalised wedding.
For a Registry wedding, we just use the standard vows that are supplied. But for personalised weddings, the vows can be what ever you want, as long as they make a promise and say words to the effect of "I take you to be my partner..."
When I meet with you I will discuss vows, and share a file of samples of vows. Some couples choose to say the same vows, chosen from my samples or from a Google search.
My favourite vows are the secret ones where each person writes them and only shares with me. Your partner doesn't hear them until the wedding day. These vows are always heartfelt, often humorous and the most important part of the ceremony.
How do I write vows? I don't know where to start!
I will give you ideas to get you started. If you just finished these three sentences, you'd be done:
I love you because....
Thank you for...
I promise to...
Vows can be funny, but there should be a serious component too. Think of them as a sandwich:
Serious part (bread)
Funny part (filling)
Serious part (bread)
If you get stuck for ideas, contact me. I've had several people come and sit with me when they were unable to write their vows, so I ask questions, and note down key words from the conversation. I will get you through it!
When I receive the vows I will let you know if you've written significantly more/less than your partner and make suggestions to fix that.
Then, I make vow cards for you, based on the colours of your wedding. I have just a few samples here. I make them in clear easy-to-read font so they can be seen through tears and without reading glasses. They are clipped on to my ceremony folder and given to you when you need them. No need to read from scrap of paper or your phone!
But I get nervous. And what if I cry?
This is a very common concern. I have some suggestions:
Turn and face your partner. Don't look at anyone else. This moment is just for the two of you.
Crying makes the ceremony more beautiful. Often both partners get teary and it just shows how special you are to each other.
Get them written at least 2 weeks before your wedding. Read them over and over again so you feel a little desensitised to them.
If you have identical, non-personalised vows, do them together. Next month I have a couple who will start with "I (full name) take you (full name) to be my husband/wife/partner" and then they will take turns, reading 4 lines each, back and forth between them. Then at the end they will each say, "And I will live out these promises to you every moment for the rest of my life." They were both delighted with the idea because it will feel more supportive and less scary.
You could do short, standard vows at the wedding, but exchange your personal vows just with the two of you at your first look, or the next morning, or ... a time that suits you.
And remember - you do not need to memorise your vows. Just read them to the love of your life, knowing that you are marrying yourselves as you do them!
Some samples of vow cards I've made for couples.